AND I RANT: MOVIEGOERS SHUT THE F UP

I love going to movies, especially by myself because when I watch a movie I like to fully concentrate on it with NO ONE talking besides me. Sometimes my friends would ask me questions and whisper in my ears in the cinema and most of the time I would just nod and not reply, or sometimes politely tell them that I will talk to them after the movie, one time my friend wouldn't shut up so I took out a pocket knife and stabbed him in the gut, he didn't speak throughout the movie anymore... actually I don't think he ever spoke again whoops. But the point I'm making is that 'No one speaks when the movie starts', its a simple rule that many people don't seems to understand. Its better here in Australia, I have been to the cinemas in Hong Kong many times and those people are the worst I tell you. I don't know if its like a chinese thing? But however much the characters speak on screen, however much the audience speak off screen! And you don't know, you think the audience are doing live voice over for the characters in the film or something. And these annoying people talk about the most private things, like how their neighbours are getting a divorce or how their friend's cousin turns out to be gay, its like HOW AM I GONNA FOLLOW SO MANY PLOTS IN ONE CINEMA?!

I went to watch a movie with my mum and grandma one time in Hong Kong, my grandma is one in a million ok, she loves to talk... a lot. She is also a bit slow and is obsessed with her little economic pocket machine thing that shows interests and bonds and stock market and all those stuff, I don't really know what the machine does, it didn't play Pokemon so I paid no attention to it. So the movie starts, she needs to go to the toilet, so she went and came back and couldn't find us in the dark, my mum had to go look for her, then she sat down and her phone went off, she spent what felt like a whole minute finding her phone, it was the most annoying ring tone ever, it felt even more annoying because now everyone's looking at us, she then started TALKING on the phone for a few minutes. I was shocked to see she actually picked up the phone and actually TALKED on it, if she wasn't my grandma I might've grabbed the phone and did a full suplex slam on the damn thing. So she then finishes her chat, and she took out her economy pocket machine thing and start looking up the freakin stock market, that pocket machine had a very bright light that almost blinded my eyes, now everyone can just look over and identify our faces... This all happened in the first half of the movie I kid you not, I think she watched the movie a little bit and she fell asleep, GOOD because she does sleep in movies a lot and if she's asleep then she won't cause anymore embarrassment, or so I though.. because guess what? She snores. TvT' My mum nudged my grandma a few times to wake her up because the snoring was getting very loud. After the movie was done, like a scene in Assassin's Creed, I put a hood over my head and ran for the exit.



Above is a shot of me in the cinema watching Skyfall last week, I quite enjoy watching movies by myself. Actually let me ask you this, is it weird going to the movies by yourself? I'm not sure if its an asian thing but I told my mum I went to watch Skyfall by myself and she was like 'oh you poor child, was your friends busy? We could've watched it with you' and I was like yo I enjoy going to movies by myself because there's no interuption! I watched Watchmen, Batman Begins, Hot Fuzz and many good movies alone, and it was great! The first few times I did feel a bit uneasy because I was brought up thinking movies are meant to be watched with other people, if you are caught going to the cinemas alone then you probably got problems, My grandma also told me she has never eaten by herself in public either, she says its shameful and embarrassing, so thats why I am wondering if its like a cultural thing that if you are caught in public doing something by yourself its a shame to your family or something I dunno. Anyway back on topic, I watched Skyfall and there was these teenage idiots laughing at inappropriate moments, like sometimes during a movie there were some quiet emotional moments and they would just feel the need to make some noise, they would be laughing or they would be swearing. Its so irritating because it takes that movie experience away from ya. If you are one of those teenagers, I want you to know that you are very rude and very inconsiderate and immature. I remember one time I was watching Jurassic Park 3 and this guy's phone ran off, it took him like a whole freakin minute to turn it off. Then the phone ran off again! And everyone in the cinema was like 'SHUT OFF YOUR F*KING PHONE!', then there was a scene in the movie where the cellphone starts ringing inside the Spinosaurus's belly, but because of surround sound it made it seem like the ringtone was coming from the back, so people were flipping out like 'OK WHO THE F*CK STILL HAS THEIR PHONE ON?!' and they then realise it was part of the movie and they sat back down in embarrassment. It was a very funny moment. But during Skyfall I could hear people whispering, you think that if you whisper then no one else can hear ya right? Think again, maybe my ears were sensitive but I could hear every whispering conversation, an Asian couple was sitting behind me too and they were speaking Cantonese so I understood every word, whenever they got confused they would ask each other what is going on, and they were confused a lot. At the end I stood up and I could hear them saying 'Oh look at this guy watching a movie by himself'

So thats that, be considerate when you watch a movie in the cinemas. Remember you are sharing the experience with everyone, so behave yourself and try to keep your emotional response in sync with everyone else, don't suddenly start laughing in an emotional scene. And turn your bloody cellphones to silent. And most importantly shut the F up.